The last few weeks have been interesting and great in many ways. For the first time in my life, I got a real taste of what life as a working actress is like. Being on set three weeks in a row, recording songs, rehearsing, working with call sheets, wondering about ratings…And, because of the format of the TV show – where winners of roles get some publicity- I got a tiny little taste of fame too.
All these experiences have brought some important insights to me. And some quite unexpected ones…
Of course, it all has been one big confirmation of that I really, really do want to be an actress and that this really, really is what makes me happy. Although happy is a fuzzy term. I actually don’t think happiness is a long term feeling, I think it’s just a fleeting moment of maybe five seconds where your heart wells up about something small and random. Like the prospect of eating a Ferrero Rocher. What it has made me mostly is content. It gives me peace of mind, and erases the rushed I-have-to-achieve-something-soon feeling. It gives me the feeling that I’m making most of every day.
And it has brought so much more than that. I’ve gotten sweet messages from people that were my neighbors four years ago or from primary school friends that say they’ve voted or seen the episode. Oh, and my mom has gotten congratulatory texts from old acquaintances, since she has my old phone number. It’s all been really heartwarming. Mostly, my family and friends are starting to get a little bit of faith in me, despite a lack of succes in the past. They see how happy it is making me, and that I’m not just pursuing an empty dream of fame and fortune.
Because the show has given me my 15 seconds of fame, and it’s brought some surprising insights. Of course I’m in acting because I love, love, love it, and can’t do without it. But that’s not to say that designer gowns, goodie bags, giving interviews and award ceremonies don’t appeal to me. Fame was never the goal, but it always did seem to have exciting aspects. I even sometimes pretended to be on the Jimmy Kimmel Show while home alone. I’m told many people do this and it’s not weird! Anyway, for the TV show Who’s in Who’s Out I got a little taste of fame. I got interviewed, had to do a photo shoot and was asked questions and asked for photos by fans of the show.
Now the surprising thing to me was that I didn’t enjoy that part as much as expected. I mean the interviews. The fans were adorable. But I felt quite uncomfortable giving the interviews. Like I was giving away something of myself. Some precious, private thing. I know it sounds terribly dramatic, and I know I never understood it either when some actors claimed to not like interviews. But it’s like you live your life going through some tough things and you grow and these things make you who you are and then you give it away. I don’t know. I just used to think I would really enjoy doing interviews but it feels quite dirty!
However, the important point is that I am extremely happy to be where I am right now and that I hope to be doing much more fun projects like this. Regardless of what happens in the future, it will at least make the O1 visa request much easier. Now all I need is an agent. For that, stay tuned!
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